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| Sunday, December 14th, 2008 | | 9:44 pm |
Grant Morrison- The David Lynch of Comic Books
Final Crisis #3 and #4 were some of the bleakest comics you ever may read. And, considering the story is supposed to be about what happens on the day when evil’s already won, maybe that’s an indicator that the story was good. Well, issue #5 came out this week, and the first glimmers of hope have started for the heroes of the DCU to pull through. Of course, things can always get uglier, right? ( This week’s Marvel: Dark Reign and DC’s Final Crisis Recaps )So what have we learned this week? Well, we learned that the only phallic object Renee Montoya is interested in at the moment is a spear. We discovered that even in pseudo-death, Kitty Pryde’s guilt trips are enough to affect someone even as jaded as Emma Frost. We also learned that Desaad is going all “creepy uncle” on Mary Marvel. We found out that the White Queen will be joining Norman Osborn’s little cabal, in spite of his penchant for throwing blondes off of bridges (she might be the exception). And finally, we learned that the Guardians on Oa are apparently fans of Keifer Sutherland’s. That’s all for this week, see you next time in the WORST…BLOG…EVER. Current Mood:  okay | | Sunday, December 7th, 2008 | | 3:48 pm |
The Invasion, She's Not So Secret No More...
Okay, let me wrap up the five year, yes FIVE YEAR plotline that Marvel Comics has been building towards that just came to an end. Ladies and gentlemen, “Secret Invasion” is now officially complete. Well, other than supposed “Skrull infiltrators to be revealed at a later date” that editorial keeps whispering about (I’m looking at you, WONG!). Ladies and gents… time for another big Marvel crossover that concludes with, “The end?” ( The Final Marvel: Secret Invasion Recap )So what did we learn this week? Well, we learned that Tony Stark may have built a machine with the Initiative, but he’s about to see what happens when someone else is at its controls. We found out that Secret Invasion: Front Line was so dull, the reporter featured in the tale didn’t even find it interesting enough to retell the story. We also learned that the Skrull Empress won’t be needing to get fitted for a crown anytime soon, since her head got exploded. We discovered that Luke Cage may have unbreakable skin, but his olfactory sensors are still quite sensitive to baby dookie. And finally, we learned that somewhere in the far reaches of the Marvel Universe, Janet Van Dyne’s still expanding, toxic arse continues to grow, thanks to a timely teleport by Thor. Maybe Galactus will end up eating it. I dunno. I could see Bendis writing that. Anyway, that’ll do it for the big Secret Invasion Recaps. Until the next WORST…BLOG…EVER… peace out. Current Mood: accomplished | | Monday, December 1st, 2008 | | 9:48 am |
Thanksgiving Leftovers
And, after a nice little holiday hiatus, the Worst…Blog…Ever is back to catch you up on all the Secret Invasion and Final Cri- … wait, what? No more Final Crisis updates the past two weeks? Seriously? Huh. Well, let’s just talk about the wind-down developments in a few of the Secret Invasion tie-ins, then. And in two days… the big Skrull-overkill event will be over and done with. Whew. Good thing, too. I’m about sick of the green scaly bastards. Let’s get to it… ( Secret Invasion Recap for 11-19-08 and 11-26-08 )So what did we learn this week? We learned that, and Heaven help me for saying this… Jigsaw is now a “legacy” villain. We discovered that We also learned that Cyclops keeps the Beast around to be his Jiminy Cricket. Crystal has finally learned that bed-hopping can have both strategic, and diplomatic uses. We found out that War Machine would likely win a staring contest against Iron Man now. And finally, we learned that the X-Men are the pox blankets to the Skrulls’ Native Americans. That’s all for now, see you in a few days for Secret Invasion #8, when we can wrap up the whole saga as a whole in the WORST…BLOG…EVER! Current Mood: exanimate | | Friday, November 7th, 2008 | | 6:34 pm |
I <3 House Cat Red Lanterns.
Let’s just get to it. ( Last Week and This week’s DC: Final Crisis and Marvel: Secret Invasion Recaps )So what did we learn this week? Well, we learned that Snapper Carr has been a closet furry. We discovered that the Skrull Kill Krew are “heads” above all other superhero teams during Secret Invasion. We also learned that the Skrulls and X-Men are racing in San Francisco to see who commits genocide first. We found out that Thor really will bring the house down on you, and by house, I mean Asgard. And finally, we learned that if there’s any justice, the last Red Lantern will be Dex-Star, the galactic house cat that vomits out acidic blood. That’s all for now, as the WORST…BLOG…EVER is finally caught up. Until next time, people. Current Mood:  amused | | Thursday, October 30th, 2008 | | 2:43 pm |
Behind the Times
As botched as Countdown was, and as cryptic as the first few issues of Final Crisis have been, I have to admit something… I like the main series of Final Crisis more than Secret Invasion. Why? Tone. Secret Invasion reads like a Michael Bay summer blockbuster. There’s s*** blowing up all over the place, and all sorts of moments for your heroes to say and do bad*ss things, but in the end, it’s just an adrenaline rush, and it doesn’t leave you any deeper philosophically. Final Crisis, meanwhile, is a read so dark, I’m starting to contemplate the nature of what evil is. If it were a movie, it would be Seven, or the Usual Suspects. The villains are just scary, and their presence is overwhelmingly terrifying. Such menace, that you wonder when the unified heroes will return to defeat them. Shame of it? DC is being trounced in overall individual issue sales, and they have a bunch of heat because J.G. Jones is so far behind on deadlines for the art on Final Crisis, that they’re having other pencilers, like Doug Mahnke and Carlos Pacheco, come in and try to help him finish what’s the biggest crossover possibly in the company’s history. That’s a bit of a downer. For them. Anyways, last week, what went down?( Marvel’s Secret Invasion and DC’s Final Crisis Recaps for 10/22/08 )So what did we learn this week? Well, we learned that Norman Osborn is a master of spin, and it’s his greatest super-power. We discovered that when the hope of the universe is placed partially in the Tattooed Man, you’re pretty screwed. We also learned that Dormammu is a fashion designer. We found out that Janet Van Dyne is finally learning to regret getting an “injection” from men. And finally, we learned that Darkseid’s will to rule the universe is reinforced with funny hats. That’s all until tomorrow, when I continue to try and get the WORST…BLOG…EVER… caught up on crossovers. Four more books on the docket! See you then. Current Mood:  drained | | Sunday, October 19th, 2008 | | 6:35 pm |
Lazy and Surly
There’s still a bit of a stall in supposed “tie-ins” to Final Crisis and Secret Invasion. It’s sad enough that I went bi-weekly. Hey, if some creators can have delays, why not me, I figure? I know. I suck. ( Marvel Secret Invasion and DC's Final Crisis Recap for 10-8-08 and 10-15-08 )So what did we learn this week? We learned that War Machine is about to get carved up like a Thanksgiving Turkey. Skrulls celebrate that day, right? We found out that Sodam Yat is the tallest, least blue Guardian of Oa ever. We also learned that Melanie Crane has a future as a matador on Skrullos. We discovered that Ronan the Accuser obviously didn't look at his fiancee's track record of fidelity when he asked to be married to Crystal. Seriously, dude, you should've picked Triton. And finally, we learned that Pied Piper might be gay, but he doesn't always like being poked from behind. And, that will get the WORST...BLOG...EVER caught up. See you next week, guys. Current Mood: busy | | Wednesday, October 1st, 2008 | | 2:34 pm |
Theatres of War
They say it’s hard to win a two front war. You have to wonder, in a similar vein, would the Skrull Invasion be considered a multi-front war? Does it include New York, the Savage Land, London, Wakanda, San Francisco, Washingtion, D.C., Israel, etc. or is it simply a one-front war for a galactic empire? Is it just Earth, period. Is it even “just” Earth? Are they still battling in other galactic locales, as possibly evidenced in last issue of Nova? It’s one of the problems with running an empire, and colonizing… you can get spread thin if you’re not careful. And, the same, it seems, can be said of crossovers, I guess if they span TOO far. Make your own judgements. I’m just going to do the recap. ( This week's Marvel: Secret Invasion Recap )So what did we learn this week? We learned that Black Panther is a stereotype, for putting graffiti on a Skrull ship. We found out that Wendell Vaughn might become the next Jean Grey. We also learned that Mutant Zero likes to meditate naked (she just became the most popular castmember of her book.) We discovered that Kl’rt and Jazinda would be ideal guests for Dr. Phil. And finally, we learned that Andrea von Strucker might also become the new Jean Grey, by dying so much. That’s all for this week, see you next week…? NO! I won’t!Well, see you in two weeks in the WORST…BLOG…EVER! Current Mood: exhausted | | Monday, September 22nd, 2008 | | 8:35 am |
Parading Out the Lastest Fashions
Now that Secret Invasion has hit part six of eight, this is the fun time, ladies and gentlemen. This is where Marvel Comics truly starts trying to use their big crossover event to launch new series by tying in the first few issues to the attack of the Skrulls. It happens during most crossovers. Civil War gave us Heroes for Hire, New Warriors, and Avengers: The Initiative. World War Hulk gave us Incredible Hercules. And now, just the same, Secret Invasion has given a healthy start to Captain Britain and MI:13, Deadpool, and this week, a possible transition from Iron Man: Director of SHIELD to it possibly permanently becoming War Machine: Director of SHIELD (no word on this for certain, yet). Ah, these are the times to shamelessly try and lure readers into a new book under the guise of it being an important “tie-in”. Just remember, you were warned. ( This Week's Marvel Secret Invasion Recap )So what did we learn this week? Well, we learned that the only thing scarier than a Super-Skrull is a Super-Fat-Chick-Skrull. We discovered that Suzi Endo probably has a battery-powered lover, since Nick Fury has her working alone on one satellite all year. We also learned that Yo-Yo Rodriguez showed up to be a super-speedster after all the good code names were taken. We found out that Tony Stark has watched Battle Angel Evangelion. And finally, we learned that Nick Fury isn’t above dressing up as Madame Hydra when he’s hazing new recruits. That’s all for this time, see you next time in the WORST…BLOG…EVER. Current Mood: drained | | Tuesday, September 16th, 2008 | | 10:34 pm |
Lack of an Introduction
It’s a busy week, so I’m just hitting the “summarize” button, and gettin’ to it. ( This Week's DC's Final Crisis and Marvel's Secret Invasion Recaps )So what have we learned this week? We learned that the only thing scarier than Vandal Savage, is Vandal Savage on a stick. We discovered that the real fight against the Skrulls in San Francisco will be over who inherits Emma Frost’s wardrobe. We also learned that Medusa would support waterboarding. We found out that the current Spectre still really hates his boss. And finally, we learned that first contact with an alien species should never be resolved by forcing them to become bovines. It leads to bad feelings. Anyway, that’s all for this rushed edition of the WORST…BLOG…EVER. See you guys around. Current Mood: drained | | Monday, September 8th, 2008 | | 8:51 am |
Shortest..Blog...EVER!
This will be a ridiculously brief recap, and honestly, I contemplated whether it was worth doing at all. While I can dismiss some of the Final Crisis “tie-ins”, particularly on the Bat-Front, since it looks like they have nothing to do with the actual “Final Crisis” storyline itself, other than Batman was in FC #2, and the R.I.P. storylines… well… yeah. Marvel had one offering this week for Secret Invasion, and I’d rate it’s impact on the whole storyline as minor, at best. Closer to minimal, really. Here goes… ( This Week's Marvel: Secret Invasion Recap )So what did we learn this week? Well, we learned that if you must be taken by Skrulls, hope it isn’t from behind on the cover of a comic. We found out that there’s always one peeping window into Stark Tower, and it’s likely Natasha Romanov’s bedroom window. We also learned that one tubby NYPD cop is somehow tougher than Geldoff/Proton. We discovered that the Rolling Sevens shoot first, and ask questions later. And finally, we learned that if Sally Floyd was in Secret Invasion: Front Line, she’d have had a hostile interview with the Skrulls, and scared them off. That’s all for a very abbreviated WORST…BLOG…EVER Current Mood: crappy | | Monday, September 1st, 2008 | | 9:18 am |
Laboring on Labor Day
Man, some weeks… Everywhere I turned this week, it was either an X-book from Marvel, or a Secret Invasion tie-in. So, we’ll look at all seven, yes SEVEN Secret Invasion tie-ins, as well as a series that I wish was more than three parts, because it’s been great so far, Final Crisis: Rogue’s Revenge. Oh yeah, and Superman in 3D, but in 2D, or something. Enough pleasantries, to the rundown! ( This week's Marvel: Secret Invasion and DC's Final Crisis Recaps )So what did we learn this week? Well, we learned that grilled Skrullburger is an acquired taste. We found out that even in 3D, Ultraman is a d***. We also learned that Hank Pym’s been replaced by Skrulls three, count ‘em three separate times! (I include Hulkling). We discovered that if you try to usurp the Flash’s Rogues, you won’t just die… you’ll die horribly, and fast. And finally, we learned that Kl’rt the Super Skrull is not the hitchhiker alien you want to pick up in space. (The one you want is named “Ford”.) That’s all for this week, see you next time in the WORST…BLOG…EVER. Current Mood: rejuvenated | | Sunday, August 24th, 2008 | | 5:20 pm |
Unchartered Waters
Confession time… I’ve never really been into the Legion of Superheroes. Seriously, like never. I can’t say why, exactly. Maybe it just seemed like an overwhelming number of characters, maybe the 30th century thing turned me off, or maybe it was the whole “Lads” and “Lasses” thing, I don’t know. It just never clicked for me. And so, as part of my Final Crisis recap, I have to review the Legion of 3 worlds, and my relative lack of overall Legion knowledge may come back to haunt me when I try explaining what I myself may not fully comprehend without research. We’ll see how this goes. It could be amusing, at any length. Anyway, here goes… ( This week's Marvel: Secret Invasion and DC's Final Crisis Recaps )So what did we learn this week? Well, we learned that if there weren’t enough damned Legion members, they’re going to have three times the usual number buggering about the universe! We found out that Sl’gur’t is a goddess you don’t want to eat. You can ask Atum… or Kly’bn (obligatory oral sex joke). We also learned that history will not be kind to Superboy-Prime. We discovered that the Time Trapper is a big fan of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, after he recreated the scene where the dude drinks from the wrong grail. And finally, we learned that Snowbird can suck more than just Hercules at once after she turned into a swarm of mosquitoes (second oral sex joke… good times!) That’s all for now, see you next time in the WORST…BLOG…EVER. Current Mood: content | | Monday, August 18th, 2008 | | 9:50 am |
Rallying the Troops
I’d been thinking the past 2-3 weeks that Secret Invasion had stalled. Well, I’d been looking down the calendar at the upcoming releases, and thought this would be the make-or-break week for the event for Marvel, as they had no less than six tie-ins to S.I., and three of those were #1 mini-series. If they were compelling, and seemed relevant to the conflict, it’d go well. If they all seemed superfluous, well, that wouldn’t be as good. And how’d things turn out? And was there any Final Crisis 411? ( This week's DC Final Crisis and Marvel Secret Invasion Recaps )So what did we learn this week? Well, we learned that there’s no better way to say “thank you” than strangulation. We found out that Karnak is what Sunday School teachers look like in Attilan. We also learned that the Spectre is bad*ss enough to snuff out Dr. Light in like 2 seconds. We discovered that Nightcrawler is the mutant version of Peregrin Took. And finally, we learned that while Pete Wisdom might be the new Scarlet Witch, he’d look terrible in that sexy gypsy outfit of hers. That’s all for this very busy week, see you next time in the WORST…BLOG…EVER. Later, all. Current Mood: impressed | | Wednesday, August 13th, 2008 | | 5:15 pm |
Momentum Swings
Supposedly, Brian Michael Bendis lamented how the House of M crossover went, as his first big company crossover in comics, and as such, he thought the “slow build” towards the ending would be enough to keep readers interested. Well, as the story was critiqued, it built, but the payoff didn’t satisfy, and fans left dissatisfied. So, he promised himself that during Secret Invasion, he wouldn’t do the same, and opened S.I. #1 with eye-popping shockers of Skrull reveals, and the Earthlings getting pwned. Problem is… the rest of the series has had to follow that, and after #3 and #4, things around the whole crossover have stalled. Meanwhile, Final Crisis went with a slow build… and you know what? People are starting to talk, and starting to like where this book is headed. The bitter taste of DC’s Countdown is starting to get washed out of readers’ mouths. Could the tide in the battle for comics publishing supremacy have been turned? Read on, and you tell me…
( Marvel Secret Invasion and DC Final Crisis Recaps from 8-5-08 )
So what did we learn this week? Well, we learned that Mary Marvel knows how to make 101 Dalmatians into 202 Dalmatians. We found out that when the going gets tough, Ben Urich’s lunch gets going. We also learned that when Kryptonians speaking German fall from the sky, it’s best to just ignore them and move on. We discovered that it might be better if Sally Floyd WAS in Secret Invasion: Frontline, because Skrulls might up and kill her. And finally, we learned that that the internet is for porn… and anti-life. That’s it for now, next week, I can’t delay on the Worst…Blog…Ever… as it’s a big week. There’s six whole S.I. tie-ins, and one for Final Crisis. I got to get on the good foot. Anyways, I’ll see you in a few days’ time. Current Mood: numb | | Tuesday, August 5th, 2008 | | 12:35 pm |
Back in Black Panther
I have enjoyed a Black Panther comic for the first time possibly since my mild positive response to T’Challa and Storm’s wedding back during “Civil War”. Yeah, it was that long ago. I’ll get to wax on that, plus you know, the whole big “Secret Invasion” update, while I wait eagerly for the next issue of Final Crisis or Final Crisis: Rogues’ Revenge. ( This Week’s Marvel: Secret Invasion Recap )So what did we learn this week? Well, we learned that even the Skrulls have the “near retirement protagonist” cliche. We found out that while the Tinkerer is in prison, he’d show a guy made of orange rock where the back door is. The back door home, anyway. We also learned that the Raft certainly is not a “Life Raft”. We discovered that the Negative Zone is a lousy place to have a convertible in. And finally, we learned that all you have to write well to stay on Black Panther was the Kid & Play movies, if you have the right connections. That’s all for this week, see you next time in the WORST… BLOG… EVER. Current Mood:  anxious | | Tuesday, July 29th, 2008 | | 9:55 pm |
Mid-Invasion Lulls
See, the thing about crossovers is, not all of the books that are used to tie into it really should be involved. I mean, did I need to see Ant Man wrestling with the Hulk’s innards during World War Hulk? Not really. Did I need to see an OMAC kill Ratcatcher to realize they were dangerous in the DCU? No. But I had to bother reporting on it. And, this is the week where I see the crossovers for Secret Invasion, and I’m having a lukewarm response to the majority of them. Some, I could’ve done without. The impact to the overall storyline doesn't quite seem to be there, or the revelations aren't as shocking. Anyway, let’s get to it… ( This week’s Marvel: Secret Invasion Recap )So what did we learn this week? Well, we learned that you can seduce a Skrull if you have licorice. We discovered that I enjoy comics where Strong Guy gets kicked in the pills. We also learned that Jubilee will be scraping Skrulls of the bottom of her heel for like a month. We found out that there are only so many Captain Americas running around the current Marvel Universe, but none of them at the moment are actually Steve Rogers (yet.) And finally, we learned that when Peter David listens to your suggestions, you’d best shut up and be thankful for it, or taste his literary wrath! That’s all for this week, see you next time in the WORST…BLOG…EVER. Current Mood: jaded | | Tuesday, July 22nd, 2008 | | 11:03 am |
Going Rogue (s)
big offerings from Marvel. Let’s take a look at what went down… ( This week’s Marvel’s Secret Invasion and DC’s Final Crisis Recaps )So what have we learned this week? Well, we learned that Demogorge will take a chance and bite a puppy’s head off to prove it’s a fake. We discovered that Inertia may be able to set a Guiness Book record for longest piece of haggis. We also learned that Skrullektra is at least bi-curious. We found out that you’d best not throw a party in the Rogues’ hideout while they’re out of town. And finally, we learned that the Skrulls came to Earth to get lucky, since it seems they replaced Longshot. That’s all I have for this week, see you for the next crossover recap in the WORST…BLOG…EVER. Current Mood: chipper | | 11:00 am |
Going Rogue (s)
I continue to enjoy the satellite titles to Final Crisis more than I have the actual book so far. This week we got another great book from DC, and three big offerings from Marvel. Let’s take a look at what went down… ( This week’s Marvel’s Secret Invasion and DC’s Final Crisis Recaps )So what have we learned this week? Well, we learned that Demogorge will take a chance and bite a puppy’s head off to prove it’s a fake. We discovered that Inertia may be able to set a Guiness Book record for longest piece of haggis. We also learned that Skrullektra is at least bi-curious. We found out that you’d best not throw a party in the Rogues’ hideout while they’re out of town. And finally, we learned that the Skrulls came to Earth to get lucky, since it seems they replaced Longshot. That’s all I have for this week, see you for the next crossover recap in the WORST…BLOG…EVER. Current Mood: chipper | | Wednesday, July 16th, 2008 | | 8:05 am |
Super-Satellites
I noticed that the satellite tie-ins to the major crossovers of the summer that came out last week are better than the actual main storyline. Disagree with me if you must, but take a look for some of what I mean... ( This week’s DC’s Final Crisis and Marvel’s Secret Invasion Recap )Anyway, what did we learn this week? Well, we learned that whenever Wolverine shows up, shoot first and ask questions later. If it’s really him, he’ll heal anyway. Same logic applies to Jean Grey (she comes back from the dead alla time)… but maybe not Beast. We found out that the Martian Manhunter was good enough to multitask while he bought the farm. We also learned that Talia Al Ghul is the only member of the society who fights her battles with her feminine wiles. We discovered that Yo-Yo Rodriguez is the hottest Latina Ambulance you’ll ever see. And finally, we learned that the Hood and his cronies hate those damned dirty Skrulls as much as the rest of us do. I hope there’s just a villains vs. Skrulls one shot coming out of that. That’d be awesome. Anyway, that’s all for this week, books come out today, so it shouldn’t be long before the next… WORST…BLOG…EVER! Current Mood: hopeful | | Sunday, July 6th, 2008 | | 10:07 pm |
Double-Sized Worst...Blog... Ever!
DOUBLE SIZED… WORST…BLOG…EVER!!! Because I took a vacation last week, okay? So sue me. Heh. Let’s just start trying to get this whole crossover business caught up… ( Marvel Comics' Secret Invasion and DC Comics' Final Crisis Recap from 6/24/08 )( Marvel Comics' Secret Invasion and DC Comics' Final Crisis Recap from 7/2/08 )So what did we learn these past two weeks? Well, we learned that Batman is totally tripping balls. We found out that Skrulls are into bukkake. We also found out that Xavin/Karolina Dean might be one of the most tragic lesbian romances in Marvel history (depends on how Phyla Quasar and Moondragon turns out). We also learned that while Hank Pym might have given the hot beef injection to his Skrull replacement, it ended up giving a different kind of injection to his estranged wife, Jan. We discovered that the New Gods are taking up residence inside other existing DC characters. And finally, we learned that thanks to the Freedom Ring that 3-D Man's goggles do nothing. And... we're officially caught up on the company-wide crossovers for now. We now return you to ordinary, original sized... WORST...BLOG...EVER. It's good to be back. Current Mood: lazy |
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