Obligatory Pre-Nuptial Editon of...Worst...Blog...Ever...

I'm supposed to tie the knot in under a day, and I managed to still find time to update for the week. Mind you, you're getting the bare minimals of what you need to know for the two big upcoming crossovers. Ready? Good...



The Mighty Avengers #2-

Iron Man turned into a hot naked version of Janet Van Dyne last issue. We all know it's the new Ultron, but this whole issue features the rest of the Mighty Avengers figuring that out. Sure, in the process nekkid babe Ultron kills off a bunch of Mole Men, while mocking the Mole Man for possibly using them for both combat and sexual fulfillment. Well, there's an image I never needed. Ultron also seems to be having fun shrugging off the attacks of whoever takes a shot at her. The Sentry's powers are out of whack because he's having issues with his wife Lindy, which makes things a bit dicier, too. As much as Ares wants to just cut the robot's head off, even if it is kind of Tony Stark still somehow, Carol Danvers tries to get him to chill. When she does turn the God of War loose though, he just manages to get his axe broken and some electric shocks in his *ss. And apparently, Ultron's just stalling to get the planet's own weather systems to kill all the humans on the surface. It's only the Wasp who figures out that it's Ultron since the robot looks like her and says it loves her (Yeah, like any of us believe that none of the other Avengers have seen a slut as big as Jan naked before. Not even one of the other girls in a locker room at some point.) Seems like it has some old Hank Pym hang-ups, and blame immediately gets laid at the feet of Marvel's Man of the Year. Hopefully he won't start beating Tigra during his latest fall from grace.

JLA #8-

This issue is both good and bad. The good is that you get not only the new JLA line-up investigating members of the Legion of Superheroes being stranded in present day, but the JSA are helping as well. The bad is that Brad Meltzer has spent eight issues trying to tell the story that's going on by showing you snippets that are happening in different places to different characters and tries to make each panel somehow have synergy and flow into the next one, even if its a different character all the way across the globe. Sometimes, we're given a plot hook that may not be picked up for a few issues that in one way ties into the events of the current issue, or the current storyline. What I'm saying is, he's trying really hard to lay seeds to bear fruit, but some of them might take awhile to ripen properly.

However, this issue it seems like they get right to it. The two members of the stranded Legion are the JSA's new and kooky Starman, and a totally brainwashed Karate Kid, who thought he was the villain Trident. Now, there are five more of them, and the JLA/JSA tag team thought to use their sensor arrays to look for other Legion flight rings. Well, that was helpful, but they found some red herrings. As they put it, Booster Gold has one, Vril Dox has one, and so does Supergirl and Superman. In fact, Superman had two, one at the Fortress and one at his parents' house. Anyway, the chase is on to locate the rest of the missing members. Seems like a lot of issue (mainly because of sidebars with Mr. Terrific playing chess and a game of Capture the Flag in the Kitchen (DC's answer to the Danger Room). Next up...

DC's 52: Week Fifty-

Black Adam is still pissed. And now, it's just a blind rage. All the DCU keep showing up to try to force him to stop his rampage, and it's just adding to his anger and ability to break sh*t. Most of the heroes have just tried to keep pace with his path of destruction like he was a hurricane or something, and have gotten beaten down, or worse for their trouble. The JSA in particular finally catch up with him in China, where he's decided to kill the Great Ten for sponsoring Chang Tzu and the Science Squad to make the Four Horseman on Oolong Island. Of course, the Chinese government has threatened to start the aformentioned World War III if the JSA and the other heroes charge in, leaving them with a ringside seat to watch Black Adam bust their heads in. Most of the Great Ten end up getting slaughtered, and many of the people of China before they finally accept the help of foreign nations in taking down Black Adam. The combined forces of the Doom Patrol, the Teen Titans, JSA, Donna Troy, and Steelworks cannot bring him down. In fact, Nuklon and the surviving members of Lexcorp's Infinity Inc. are some of the first to retreat.

Interesting side note: Booster Gold time-jumps in to steal a weapon created by John Henry and Natasha Irons. It's a missle launcher where the missle's loaded with artificial intelligence nanites that can be used to shut down a person's neural functions. Booster tells them it wouldn't work against the Black Marvel anyway and teleports right back out. In the end, Captain Marvel and the Shadowpact manage to get one of the Big Red Cheese's lightning bolts to strike down Black Adam and depower him with some magical manipulation. And if Billy Batson didn't look smooth enough for that, he made sure that Black Adam would stay depowered awhile, since he changed his empowering word and didn't tell him what it was. As Black Adam falls to earth, without the ability to fly, the hand of Atom Smasher seems to catch him, and apparently aid in his escape.

Dr. Morrow, meanwhile, gets the head of the Red Tornado and sees what he saw at the edge of the universe. Whatever it is, it meant that he quickly will have both his, and the Omnibot he hijacked keeping busy. Because Booster Gold and Rip Hunter immediately have shown up to draft him for help in the next two issues of this comic.

Next time: More Lobo, Clark and Bruce chat, and Starfire keeps trying to find her way back to Earth.

DC's World War III Parts 1-4*

*Look, I was really looking forward to this, but honestly, what I just covered in 52 does it a better service. Most of World War III existed to squeeze in all the scenes they couldn't fit in 52 to explain the differences between DC of old, and One Year Later. And even then, it still seems a bit rushed. Let's try and make sense of it all, and just cover everything in its individual mini-threads so I can go get married...

In 52's Week 45, they neglected to mention that the Martian Manhunter tried to take down Black Adam solo after he slaughtered the entire nation of Bialya. Right on the spot, in fact. After an attempt by Double-M to get in Black Adam's mind, and seeing all the dead people's agonizing final moments, J'onn is overcome by shock. Black Adam takes the moment to throw Martian Manhunter into space, where he sits for weeks trying to get his mental faculties back. The horror of what Black Adam had done was so great that J'onn lost sight of what being human means. He now lets himself look more Martian than ever before, and went back to "out" himself as an alien superhero to all his old cop buddies. By the time he's through being a headcase, J'onn can turn the horror of all the dead citizens of Bialya back upon Black Adam to stall him for Captain Marvel's plan from 52.

We get to see Aquaman try to deal with the tragedy of Sub Diego and all of its drowning victims by bartering with ancient and evil powers for the magic ability to undo it. Sadly, wielding it makes him become the Dweller in the Deep.

We see Jason Todd impersonate Nightwing and use his identity in stealing hundreds thousands of dollars from other bank robbers.

We get to find out how Batgirl signed up with Deathstroke. He talked to her, and turned her to the power of the darkside within a few panels by making her jealous that Batman left Harvey Dent in charge of Gotham, despite all he'd done.

Firestorm decides that since he lost Prof. Stein, and he's no longer bonded to Cyborg either, he should combine his might with that of Firehawk to see if they make a better vigilante. Man... he goes through bonded partners by the bushel, doesn't he? He needed her power boost though, to save N.Y.C. from having an air craft carrier fall on it. Man, first planes into the Twin Towers, now the terrorists are dropping whole ships. That's just heavy.

The Teen Titans under the leadership of Beast Boy get owned by Black Adam when trying to take him down alone. He rips the arms off of Frankenstein Jr. just to prove they're outclassed. He keeps trying to tell the kids to bugger off and leave him be. Terra (who get resurrected somehow after her death of self-sacrafice in the 80's) gets punched through her chest by the Black Marvel, killing her instantly and bumming Beast Boy out for biting off more than he could chew as team leader. This also will explain the power flux in her brother, Geo Force in JLA. Mind you, I liked it better when she was dead after selling out the Titans to Deathstroke years ago. Ah well.

Black Adam takes out part of the U.S. Atlantic fleet for getting in his way, then throws an aircraft carrier at New York. He kills a few of Father Time's men before ripping Time's face off. (I don't think Father Time will get to switch it with Nicolas Cage's.)

Supergirl (Kara Zor-El) falls back to Earth in Metropolis. Power Girl scoops up her fallen body before some creepy guy can steal her panties or whatever it is they do with crash-landed Kryptonians.

And that's about it. Oh, the Monitors are still watching, that's pretty relevant. But we new that in Brave New World.


So what did we learn this week? Well, we learned that if Martian Manhunter can't get Oreos as a comfort food, he likes to sit in space and cower in the fetal position. We found out that Janet Van Dyne naked is quite the Scoobarific mystery. We also learned that Terra's greatest power seems to be to keep finding ways to use her Earth powers to simply take a dirt nap. We discovered that Mole Man likes to bump uglies with Moloids. And finally, we learned out that Firestorm is now 50% more androgynous thanks to Firehawk. I gotta go get hitched. I'll see you all next time in the WORST...BLOG...EVER.